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Walking the Balance Beam: Career and Family

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Back in 1969, actress Diahann Carroll starred in the TV show Julia, the story of a nurse who moves to Los Angeles with her young son after her husband dies. Many episodes dealt with Julia's struggle to balance nursing and mothering, as she tried to recruit a reliable helper to watch her son while she was at work.

If Julia's situation sounds familiar, it's because things haven't changed much since then.

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Although flexible hours and on-site daycare have made it easier for some nurses and their families to manage the balancing act, only one in 10 U.S. companies (as polled in 2000 by Working Mother magazine) offers on-site or near-site childcare. And much of that assistance is offered only during daytime hours-not much help for nurses who work evenings, nights, and weekends.

More than half the nurses polled in a National Sample Survey of Registered Nurses in 2000 had children living at home. For these mothers, managing a career and a family often feels like a wobbly walk across a balance beam. How do they manage not to fall?

Establish goals

The first step is to establish goals; it's hard to meet your objectives when you don't know what they are. It also helps to have a spouse who's willing to lend a hand.

"Nurses who succeed at balancing family and career have very supportive spouses," says Joanne Boisvert, a NICU travel nurse in Saratoga Springs, N.Y., who has a husband, three small daughters, and a goal. Joanne works three 12-hour shifts each weekend, and tends to her girls during the week. Her husband travels on weekdays but is always home on weekends.

"When we married, the goal was to have flexible careers in order to provide full-time care for the girls," says Joanne. "We've never had them in daycare, or even with a babysitter. That was our goal." And they realized it.

The goal of single mom and ICU nurse Sue Bell of Pompano Beach, Fla., was to spend more time with her 8-year-old daughter. Working three 12-hour shifts has improved their quality time together on Bell's four days off. When she worked Monday through Friday, her weekends were filled with catching up on day-to-day maintenance. "Now I have a three-day weekend. The one day she's in school, I get all the housework done," she explains. "The rest of the weekend time is for us."

Manage the schedule

Patty Lekie is an RN who works for Cross Country TravCorps and is currently on assignment in Arizona. Patty and her husband enjoy an enlightened family dynamic: She's the breadwinner; he stays home with their four daughters. "My husband is very supportive and wonderful," she says. "We travel together, but he stays home with the kids and does the home schooling. He's our 'Mr. Mom.'"

Travel nursing is especially enticing for those who want to control their schedules to have holiday time with their families. "Who wants to work Christmas when you have children?" asks Colleen Hartman, mother of two and an ICU travel nurse at Tulane University in New Orleans. "I have it put into my contract that I take holidays off."

Joanne Boisvert, too, has not worked on Christmas since she became a traveler. She manages her contracts so she finishes around the 10th of December; then she can enjoy her free time for the rest of the holidays, whether it's spent baking with her girls or attending their school plays.

A strong support system

Whether you're married or single, the key to career and family balance is a strong support system. If you're fortunate, you can rely on your husband or others in your immediate family, like a parent or siblings. If that isn't possible, reliable daycare-or nighttime care-is a must.

Hartman remembers a time when she was single and accepted a contract for 17 weeks in Ohio, and then couldn't find a babysitter because she was doing night shifts.

"I left my son in Toronto with my cousin because I didn't have anyone else that I could trust," says Hartman. "I would work my shift; then drive six hours to Canada. It was horrible. I'd never do that again."

Finding reliable, supportive care for your children can be challenging, but by investigating the many resources, you'll have a better chance of finding the best available.

Talking it through: Communication is key

Lieke attributes the success of her balancing act to communication. She and her husband spend lots of time discussing their plans, especially since they have only one car.

Boisvert says her biggest challenge is keeping her marriage afloat. "Sometimes it's stressful on the marriage because we pass each other in the doorway. My husband has to travel for work, too. Sometimes he has to be away all week, and then he'll just fly in the day that I'm leaving.…He'll walk in, and I'll say 'Hi, goodbye, have a good weekend.'" Keeping the lines of communication, she notes, is imperative. "We'll use the cell phone to say this is what the girls are doing, or this is what you need to do during the weekend."

Reality bites

Occasionally, the struggle to balance career and family means you just can't get everything done. The dishes may remain unwashed, the beds disheveled, and Chinese take-out may be on the speed dial. Whatever you do, don't fret. No family has ever suffered permanent damage from an unmade bed, and dirty dishes are why paper plates were invented. If the mess really drives you crazy (and if you can afford it), hire a cleaning service or send out your laundry. Make your own "fast food" by preparing meals in advance and freezing them; then you can pop something in the microwave when time is short.

The struggle to balance career with family is shared by Americans across a variety of occupations. But unlike many people with 9-to-5 jobs, nurses have ample opportunities to walk the balance beam in style.